"Worship is man's full reason for existence. Worship is why we are born and why we are born again." A.W. Tozer

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Struggling in a new season...

For two and a half weeks I've been staring at this page trying to figure out how to write about what is going on. I've got a great group of friends here in California that have been walking with me through this journey, but I feel like I need to get the word out there to a broader audience and friends that I don't have daily contact with.

Two and a half weeks ago I returned from a trip to Ohio and Michigan to spend a little over a week with my family at my grandpa's cottage. It was such a great trip. Nice and relaxing and always great to spend time with family. Yet when I returned to California I was returning to a new season in life without a job or a permanent place to live. And these past two weeks have been very overwhelming. I'm struggling with the decisions that need to be made. I'm fighting so many questions and emotions that I don't know what direction to take and I feel completely lost. I don't know what to do.

I need prayer, guidance, insight, help, etc.

I'm fighting two different options. One, stay in California where I've got a great group of friends and an awesome church, but would mean looking for anything as a job. Two, look for a music ministry position which would definitely mean not at my current church and most likely somewhere completely different geographically. And here's what I'm fighting with those options. I don't want just any job. I want to find something I'll enjoy doing and I long to finally find something I can make a career of. That something still feels like music ministry to me. However, a part of me is afraid to start looking in that direction because of the potential "no" I will hear because I'm now divorced.

Just a little of where my head and heart are lately. I know God has everything under control, but I'm having a hard time believing it and living like it's true. I feel like such a mess right now and a little like I've been left behind and forgotten in the world.